By Dr. Douglas Groothuis
My mother was a champion letter and card writer. She never missed a birthday, anniversary, or holiday. She wrote to me frequently and at length. After Lillian Groothuis died in 2010, I began writing cards and letters more frequently. I did not write enough cards or letters to my mother or Grandmother Groothuis, who was also an admirable correspondent. Now I write many souls often, some of whom I don’t know or barely know. Some are in my inner circle of correspondence.
After writing to a dear friend’s father, I learned that he read my card to his daughter over the phone and remarked that I should write a book on how to write a short, but meaningful card. I don’t think I could write a whole book on it, but here are a few notions on that theme.
Writing cards is a way to re-humanize a de-humanized culture. Too much is too automatic and impersonal. When you pen (and I mean pen) a card, it bears the mark of your handwriting, your choice of ink and pen. A human—you—emerges from the thick lagoon of the pre-set, the template, the standard, the algorithm.
I often pray, “Lord, who needs a card?” God answers, and I write many cards to many people on many themes. Someone needs a card because she is lonely or suffering or both. Someone may need a card because they have a gift that is largely ignored. I write to commend them, to recognize another gift to man from God.
I choose my cards carefully, using blank cards with interesting illustrations, such as dogs (always good) or modern art or many other depictions. I usually write when I have time to reflect on what I should write. I don’t usually dash them off. Too much is already dashed off in our hurry-sickened world.
I commiserate, thinking through the life of the one to whom I am writing. How can I speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) to another person made in God’s image and likeness? What do they need to hear? What might they hear from me that few others have told them?
I reflect on how Scripture might speak to them. I may quote a verse from the Bible or write something like "See Ecclesiastes 9:11," or some other verse. I want biblical truth and wisdom to inform what I write. I often end with a biblical blessing, such as 2 Corinthians 13:14 or one improvised on biblical themes.
I write cards of condolence as often as I can. This is an art. I endeavor to enter someone's sorrow, to restate what they might be experiencing. I do not offer cheap consolation. I lament with one who has lost a friend or relation or who is suffering ill health (Isaiah 50:4).
I often teach through my cards, so I recommend books to read and other resources.
I often decorate my cards in sometimes silly ways. Jazz stickers are cool, as are insects and dogs. This adds a personal touch.
Consider joining me in my effort to re-humanize the world through the simple, but soulful, act of writing cards and letters.
I've given this a lot of thought since my wife is dying of Alzheimer's and I've written many notes as you have. Apparently it is common to have open comments on the obituary page. I've opted to have them closed. And when I announce her death on her FB page comments will also be closed. The announcement contains a part very similar to your thoughts.
"I have DISABLED comments and notifications. Let me tell you why.
Social media has its usefulness for the ‘everydayness’ of life. “Hey, look! I won a silver in the pickleball tournament.” Death is not an ‘everydayness’ event. Death is serious business, the ultimate serious business. It diminishes us as humans to reduce it to a…
I used to write cards, only to throw them away because I felt a sense of inadequacy in expressing my thoughts and because of my sloppy, disconnected penmanship. But because of this blog post, I overcame thinking it has to be perfect. I gave an imperfectly penned card to my small group hosts. My card was received with appreciation and encouragement. So, I thank you for the challenge to engage in this intentionally meaningful practice.
Thank you for this! As a writer and photographer, I’ve often thought these gifts would pair up well to create notecards individually written to those around me in need of encouragement. I just haven’t done it yet. Now, I think I will. :)